Date: Fri, 14 Jul 2000 02:46:30 -0700 (MST)
From: Edward Kennedy <edjugls@primenet.com>
To: balloon@balloonhq.com
Subject: re: Expressing grief


   

Dennis,
You kill me with your one liners, er I mean you knock me dead, er I mean
that was funny.  Thanks for supporting the importance of saying the right
thing in a difficult situation.  My post was meant to bring that point
out. I hear people post "If I can make one child smile all my practice is
worth it"  Well wow, what a time to make a difference for someone who is
at one of the most difficult times of their life.  Usually most people run
away from this situation, because they don't know what to say, but with a
little sensitivity and some 260's we can make a difference. If you have
ever been consoled at a time of grief with "God needed another flower in
His garden" or "She's in a better place" etc. you perhaps know the anguish
it can evoke. As balloon twisters we meet a lot of people in many
emotional states. Making happy people happier doesn't quite float the boat
the way bringing peace and joy to a sad or distraught person does.   And
that's important because that's what gives us that extra juice when we
twist.

Speaking of sensitivity, I didn't demonstrate much of it when I responded
to Chris's post and comment.  I apologize to Chris for how my response
might have come across.  My post started out as a private and personal 
response to Chris as I didn't think of it as balloon related. When I
opened with 'I say this with the kindest intentions' I meant that and
wrote it from that place in my heart. I wish you could have heard my inner
voice speak to Chris and to the balloon line as I wrote it.  It seems that
some folks' inner ear didn't hear it that way.  That is my responsibility
as the writer to not have taken the time to do everything I could to avoid
that miscommunication and to a lesser degree that of the reader to not
have given me the benefit of the doubt. Nevertheless Chris I am sorry if I
offended you, that was truly not my intention. 
As I wrote my post to Chris I began thinking more globally and made it a
post to the entire group.  I should have gone back and impersonalized it. 
I realized that as restaurant twisters we come across people experiencing
grief every so often. In medicine they say "First Do No Harm" and I
thought how as balloonist that should be our goal. Not giving balloons to
small children or putting candy or small objects in balloons, etc., etc.,
have been big topics here and has expressed everyone's concern of 'doing
no harm'.  The wrong words can do harm as Capt. Denny pointed out, 
although I laughed until I cried in the privacy of my own home.  But thank
God, as entertainers our words can do good, can heal.  First we must
rehearse what to say in these situations beforehand because it can be very
daunting to have it pop up unexpectedly. But the opportunity to walk out
of the gig floating off the ground by the peace we see when we let this
person know that they are not alone in their sadness and twist a
thoughtful remembrance for them far out weighs the uncomfortableness.  I
have walked away from a table knowing that it was no accident that these
people were put in front of me.  That I was fulfilling a plan and I was
thankful that I had spent the time preparing for it.   
I thank those that pointed out to me that I might have offended someone as
I hadn't really seen it that way. And those that informed me in a
dignified manner I thank also and think that's what is kind of neat about
BHQ. I celebrated my fifth year on BHQ last month.  We've come a long way
baby.

Ed Kennedy                            
edjugls@primenet.com                  
A little song,  a little dance, 
a little seltzer in your pants