From: Jan Lissens <jan.lissens@atek.be>
To: "Balloon List (E-mail)" <balloon@balloonhq.com>
Subject: The Ludwig Files Revisited - The Story of the Fifth Beatle
Date: Thu, 12 Jul 2001 10:42:10 +0200

Hey, gang !!

Some of you newbies may not have heard of my famous Great-Uncle Ludwig Von
Pumpodermundblasen, lover of music, balloons and mystery. Check out the
archives for the previous posts. For several years now, I have been trying
to make heads or tails from the many coded documents bestowed to me when he
died. It has been a strange and mysterious journey that has taken me, and
you, my faithful audience, from the dark streets of 16th century Paris to
the bustling streets of London, from Europe to the Americas. It has left us
with many questions about the obvious global conspiracy against ballooning
that has gripped the world for centuries now. It has brought us into contact
with great composers, and men of mystery such as Nostradamus. It has evoqued
the secret history of balloon twisting from its hidden origins during the
intestine-twisting days of Olga Blowstillitpopski, the Mother of Balloon
Twisting, to the present...

And now, it is time for a new chapter...Last weekend, I was checking out
this cute little antique bookshop in one of the sleezier parts of Caïro,
when my eyes fell on a little blue notebook. My heart skipped a beat! I
choked ! I had recognized my Uncle Ludwig's spidery handwriting...Of course
i had to have it! I had to pay a astronomical amount for it, but I knew that
it would be well worth the price...And it was...I have learned some amazing
stuff from Ludwig's research, but this was absolutely stunning!!!

The book contained notes from an interview Uncle Ludwig conducted with
Oliver Sudden and Don Dothatyaful, two Egyptologists and close friends of
the late Ken Mansfield, former manager of the Beatles. We all know John,
Paul, George and Ringo. I have loved their music forever. Imagine my
surprise...but I'm getting ahead of myself...
When Ken visited Oliver and Don in Cairo, they met in a pub called 'The
Sphinx's Riddle, which was owned by Rabiid Dogh, the last surviving member
of the group of workers that opened the grave of Tutanchamon, but his story
will be told another time.

Anyway, this all happened during the golden years of the Beatles. Mansfield
had his hands full and wanted to get away from it all, so he went to Cairo.
There he told Oliver Sudden and Don Dothatyaful the amazing story of the
Fifth Beatle, Bongo. They passed on the story to Uncle Ludwig, who wrote it
down. According to his own entries, he gave the notebook to Rabiid for
safekeeping, but a few years later 'The Sphinx's Riddle' was destroyed by a
freak fire, and Rabiid disappeared. I did a bit of research and found out
that Rabiid disappeared owing a lot of debts. His brother, Skwiikhi Dogh,
sold the few possessions that were not destroyed in the fire to pay for
them. This may be how the notebook ended up in that bookstore.

Let us go even further back in time to the days when John Lennon, Paul
McCartney, Ringo Starr and George Harrison formed a small new band in
Liverpool. One day, they all sat together in their favourite pub, and were
approached by a colourfully dressed balloon twister called Bongo Stork. He
offered to make them a guitar, and started singing a song called
'Yesterday'. John immediately loved the song, and invited Bongo to sit with
them. Ringo and Bongo hit it off as well, and it is said that Ringo learned
to make balloons from him. The 'nowhere man' in the animated feature 'Yellow
Submarine' was actually based on a balloon creature Ringo made years later
during a truly fantastic Marihuana trip. After a few weeks, Bongo became
part of the Beatles, but just before their first gig, Bongo disappeared. He
left a note that said

They are after me! 
I am sorry to leave you guys. 
Beware: do not sing my lyrics! 
Hide your balloons, 
or they will get you as well.
 I must disappear forever. 
Sorry I could not play with you guys. 
I guess instead of us being the fabulous five, 
you will have to be the Fab Four.
I hope one day you'll make your own record.
If so, wherever I am, I will listen to it. 

Yours in spirit and soul,
Bongo The Great.

So it was actually Bongo who came up with 'Fab Four'. The lyrics he referred
to were the lyrics to several songs he had written. In hommage to Bongo they
kept the songs but changed the lyrics, taking their friend's advice to
heart. Ringo lost his soulmate that day, but composed a song in honour of
him. For the sake of cautiousness, the song was never performed in public
with the original lyrics. That song was 'Twister Man' later changed to
'Nowhere Man'. The songs Bongo wrote were 'Yesterday' and 'Yellow Dog
Balloon' (later changed to 'Yellow Submarine')

What happened to Bongo? I do not know yet, but the notebook said my Uncle
researched the strange fate of Bongo, and referrs to his journals. A lot of
those journals are not yet decoded. I am quite certain that Bongo fell
victim to some kind of underground organisation called 'Le Cercle Noir' or
the Dark Circle, that for centuries has been trying to ban balloon twisting
from this world. Who knows? I know the Truth is Out There, and I will
discover it. If ever I die or disappear mysteriously, you will know who got
me! I think I am safe because They do not want a martyr for the cause of
Ballooning. But how long will that last?

Anyway, in order to save them from oblivion, here are the original versions
of three Beatles-songs you only thought you knew...

TWISTER MAN (now 'Nowhere Man') - Written in hommage to Bongo by his friend
Ringo

He's a real Twister Man
Sitting on his twister bum
Twisting out his twisted stuff
For nobody...

Doesn't have a pointed tool
Pops balloons with 's fingers too
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Twister Man, please listen
A balloon is what I'm missing
Twister Man, give me a doggie and I'm at your command

He's as good as he can be
Just twists all that he can see
Twister Man, can you twist me a dog?

Twister Man, don't worry
Take your time, don't hurry
Twister Man, the chi-hi-hildren are at your comma-hand.

Doesn't have a rotten sou
Knows not where he's going to
Isn't he a bit like you and me?

Twister Man, please listen
A balloon is what I'm missing
Twister Man, give me a doggie and I'm at your command

He's a real Twister Man,
Sitting in his Twister Land,
Making all his twisted stuff for nobody.
Making all his twisted stuff for nobody.
Making all his twisted stuff for nobody.



YESTERDAY - The Original Lyrics

Yesterday, 
all my blisters seemed so far away 
Now my fingers hurt and I can't stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday. 

Suddenly, there's not half the skin there used to be, 
There's a shadow hanging over me. 
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why I had to twist all day long, they couldn't say
My hands hurt so much, now I long for yesterday-hay-hah-hay

Yesterday,
Twisting bears was an easy game to play.
Now I need cold water to sooth my hands
Oh, I believe in yesterday....

Mmmm...mmm...mmmm...and ointment too...
 

YELLOW DOG BALLOON (Now 'Yellow Submarine') - The Original Lyrics

In the town where I was born 
Lived a man who loved balloond
And he twisted all his life
Little ye-hellow dog balloons


So weeeent up to the guy
And we found him on the green
And he made us then and there
A little ye-hellow dog balloon


We all live for a yellow dog balloon, 
yellow dog balloon,yellow dog balloon 
We all live for a yellow dog balloon, 
yellow dog balloon,yellow dog balloon 

And our friends are all right there
Many more of them from anywhere
And the band begins to play 

We all live for a yellow dog balloon, 
yellow dog balloon,yellow dog balloon 
We all live for a yellow dog balloon, 
yellow dog balloon,yellow dog balloon 

As we live a life of ease 
Everyone of us has all we need 
Grass so green and sky of blue
And ye-hellow dog balloon 

We all live for a yellow dog balloon, 
yellow dog balloon,yellow dog balloon 
We all live for a yellow dog balloon, 
yellow dog balloon,yellow dog balloon 

We all live for a yellow dog balloon, 
yellow dog balloon,yellow dog balloon 
We all live for a yellow dog balloon, 
yellow dog balloon,yellow dog balloon 



My friends, let us honour Bongo and Uncle Ludwig by remebering these songs.
I can't sing, but if Mr Rainbow or S Franck or anybody who can sing can get
these words to music, I'd love to hear it some day...

Have a great day! Laugh! it's good for you.



Report written by Jan aka The Trekkie Twister in hommage to Bongo The Great
- We all miss you !
  
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